Confronting Shame and Chronic Blushing : A Path to Healing

Chronic blushing and shame are often tightly intertwined, creating a vicious cycle that can be difficult to break. Blushing brings on feelings of shame, which in turn can lead to more blushing. It's a loop that feeds on itself, but understanding and addressing the shame component can help manage and eventually reduce chronic blushing.

The Blushing-Shame Cycle

Blushing usually starts with anticipatory anxiety, the fear of blushing in a future situation. This fear can be overwhelming. When the anticipated event occurs and you blush, it can lead to intense feelings of inadequacy, self-blame and even feeling ashamed when you've done nothing wrong!. This rumination feeds back into the cycle, increasing your anxiety about future blushing episodes.

The Role of Self-Focused Attention

When we blush, our attention turns inward. We become hyper-aware of our physical symptoms and worry about others' perceptions. This self-focused empathy heightens our miss-placed feeling of shame, perpetuating the cycle. Understanding this dynamic is crucial in addressing the shame-blushing connection.

The Social Function of Shame

The feeling of shame isn't inherently bad; it serves a social function, as recognized by philosophers like Aristotle and Confucius. Shame serves a social function by helping us self-reflect and correct our behavior to maintain social harmony. However, for chronic blushers, this process becomes disregulated: the body feels shame when there's nothing to be ashamed about. We feel shame because we feel different, separate, and 'bad' in some way. The heightened self-criticism can be debilitating, making it essential to recalibrate our response to shame.

The Three Parts of Shame

American psychologist Richard Schwartz, founder of the Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy model, identified three parts of shame:  

1. Inner Critic: This part of us acts like a strict parent, harshly judging us and preventing us from actions that might cause shame.
2. The Vulnerable Child: Which carries past wounds and believes the inner critic, stopping us from taking risks.
3. Rescuer: This part attempts to sooth the other two parts and save us from feelings of shame, sometimes through extreme or unhelpful behaviors like drinking too much alcohol or becoming aggressive.

Practical Tips to Manage Shame

1. Control your Physical Responses: To counteract the involuntary shame response, engage in controllable physical actions. Rub your hands together to bring yourself back to yourself, force yourself to focus on something like counting the colours you can see in the room, or noticing what's on the walls. These actions can help shift your focus and reduce the intensity of the shame.

2. Adopt a Joy Posture: Physical posture can influence emotional state. Shift from a shame posture (hunched and withdrawn) to a joy posture (upright and open). This change can help diminish feelings of shame and promote a sense of empowerment.

3. Accepting Love: Allow yourself to receive the loving gaze of a partner, friend, or pet. Feeling valued and accepted by others can counteract feelings of unworthiness and foster self-acceptance.

4. Leverage Your Personality Type:

   • Extroverts: Seek positive social interactions and feedback. Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift you.
   • Introverts: Connect with nature, art, or music to recharge. Find activities that nurture your sense of worth and calm.

Reflect and Journal

Take some time to reflect on your inner critic. Write down what you think others might perceive when they see you blush. Common fears include appearing nervous, out of control, or psychologically troubled. Acknowledging and journalist on these fears can be a powerful step towards healing.

Breaking the cycle of shame and blushing is a gradual process that requires patience and self-compassion. By understanding the underlying mechanisms and implementing practical strategies, you can begin to manage and reduce the impact of chronic blushing on your life.